


The Past Feeds the Present

by chosuiri



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, fic basically centers on their relationship, gou is the special guest from sougo's 2017 bday rabbit chats!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 16:44:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14719829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chosuiri/pseuds/chosuiri
Summary: Even now, Sougo remembers everything his friend has done for him, and he regrets that all he seems to do is impose on him.(Sougo thinks about the past again on his birthday.)





	The Past Feeds the Present

**Author's Note:**

> i actually based this off of animated trigger spin-off where Sougo is shown in the diamond fusion mv in the train. then i took that and went wild with my own headcanon. if there's anything in this fic that's actually contradicted by canon, just keep in mind that i tried to do as much research of sougo as i can, but since sougo's full history is still blurry since he hasn't revealed quite everything yet + some of his rabbit chats are not yet translated. 
> 
> well anyways, please enjoy. and happy early birthday to sougo, who i love with all my heart!!!! 
> 
> i'm posting early since i'll be out of the country during his actual birthday so ashfjlashf rip me

Sougo sighs, shoving his phone back into his pocket and he shuffles into the train. Luckily he's come right before rush hour, and the train isn't yet totally packed. He holds onto a handle, and glances idly over at the ads plastered all over the walls of the train. He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath as he takes a moment to reflect on what he has to do for the rest of the night. As soon as he got back to the apartment he should probably fix himself something sustainable enough to be considered dinner, but he just has so much more coursework to catch up on. 

Each day almost feels like it's out to suffocate him, with all his professor's pouring in more work as the classes got harder and harder. Becoming a lawyer hasn't been an easy task from the start, and it makes Sougo curse himself for not being able to stand up for himself. Acting like the perfect son, he listened to his father’s directions to take on a respectable major, and to also take some other courses to better prepare himself to take over the company in the future. Although at this point,  he finds the idea of being a lawyer absolutely dreadful. It's not like he can do anything about it, of course, since this is the path he's been predestined to tread.

The only moments of solace in his frantic schedule have always been the daily commute along with his secret hobby of going to concerts of all music genres. Music has its mysterious ways to make Sougo feel completely at peace. 

The train arrives to the next stop, Sougo hasn't even noticed that it has already started in the midst of his thoughts. He checks the screen to make sure he hasn't missed you much, but is assured by the fact that his stop was the last possible one. A duo of high school girls enter the train, both of them taking a seat in front of him. He glances away, anxious to make eye contact. The girls seem to squeal over something, and one girl fumbles with her phone. She seems to open up a video, and she turns up the volume for everyone in the train to hear. Sougo, despite his better judgement, is drawn to the music’s enthralling beat, and shuffles a bit so he can get a better look at the video. 

He watches the video with wide-eyed curiosity, although his standing position doesn't exactly give him a good view. It doesn't matter, he just knows the music sounds amazing and there's something about their voices that really draws him in. 

_ Maybe the fact that they're almost orgasmic to his ears _ , but Sougo quickly shakes off the thought with flushed cheeks. “What is the name of this group..?” He finds himself saying, but slaps a hand over his mouth as he realizes that he must've been creeping out these girls. “S-Sorry, you don't have t--”

“It's TRIGGER! They just debuted recently!” The girl answers his question earnestly, looking at her friend for a split second before taking her phone and putting it right in front of his face. It seems to be a rather sensual part, which doesn't come as a surprise because of the erotic nature of the song’s lyrics, but it manages to make Sougo turn an even deeper hue of red. He doesn't even know which member is the most attractive to him, since he finds them all equally attractive. How cool… he's never been particularly interested in idols. Rather, he considers himself a fan of someone for their music over their looks. 

TRIGGER might be different. 

That night, Sougo pulls up the music video on his phone and watches it several times before passing out. 

* * *

He takes a sip out of his coffee as he intently watches the same music video again, always taking a moment to pause at the scene where the man’s naked chest took up the whole screen. Hoping that his roommate wasn't around, he timidly strokes his laptop in the same way the other’s hands did.

“Morni-- hey, wait a minute, what are you doing? You're leeching on my internet bill for this shit?” His friend fumes, angrily marching over to look over at the laptop. “I've known you this long, and you finally feel comfortable enough with me to watch porn out in the open.”

“I-It’s not porn, Gou-kun! I don't know if you'll be interested, but it's a new idol group that debuted recently.” Sougo stammers, but hesitantly glances up from his laptop. Realizing how hands are still right on the screen, he scrambles to slide them off. He coughs, taking another sip of his coffee to regain composure. “That being said, would you like to give it a listen?”

“I don't know if I'm ready for it, Sougo…” Gou mutters in response, shaking his head. “That sort of thing looks borderline erotic. I'm not judging, but… I'll leave you alone if you feel the need to, well, you know. That pent-up stress isn't doing you any favors.”

_ He… really can't be suggesting that _ , Sougo thinks furiously as he simply slams his laptop shut. “Please don't even suggest that, Gou-kun. I mostly like the music!”

Gou snorts, “sure. As if your hands weren't all over the screen and you had this blush on your face too.” He remarks, pointing at his own cheek.

“Gou-kun!” Sougo protests. Eager to change the subject, he glances at his watch. “Shouldn't you be going soon?”

“Huh? Ahh--” Gou sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sougo, you really made me waste my time with that. But I guess it'll make for a funny story.”

“Don't tell anyone!”

* * *

“... Mind if I listen?” Gou asks. Sougo brightens up immediately as he processes his friend’s question, and eagerly offers an earbud to him. Sougo presses play on his music app again, and he turns upon hearing a sigh from him.

“Che. Trigger again?”

“Gou-kun, you’re recognizing their voices now?”

Gou averts his gaze, cleanly sliding the device out of his ear and letting it fall into Sougo’s lap. “You already know whose fault that is.”

Sougo perks up, smiling even wider, “Oh, do you know someone else who’s really into Trigger?”

“Sougo, you’re really airheaded sometimes…”

“Eh? Eh? Wait, what do you mean by that?” Sougo exclaims, cheeks puffing indignantly. “That came out of nowhere, Gou-kun…”

His friend laughs, and rises from his seat. Shaking his head with an amused look on his face, he administers a flick to Sougo’s forehead.

“What was that for?”

“Just wanted to mess with you…~” His friend hums, “you’ve been listening to them a lot more lately. Of course you got your weird indie music too, but… I didn’t expect for you to go for fucking idols of all things.”

He pauses both himself and his music, and fixes his gaze on his amused friend. “Is it really that surprising? I love all kinds of music, Gou-kun. I have a preference toward more rocky style, but…”

“I’m going to pretend I know what that means,” Gou shakes his head, intending to leave Sougo to his own devices completely, but stops. “You don’t look as depressed or some shit, so that’s a good thing. Don’t be getting any weird ideas like trying to become one.”

Sougo shakes his head, “there’s no way someone like me can be an idol.”

“That’s right. People like us are unable to become part of that world.  It’s a really unstable profession too.” He explains, “see, I won’t be surprised if that TRIGGER ends up disbanding in ten years or so. They’ll become old news in no-- hey, Sougo?” He stops himself to look over at his friend, who noticeably have began to grasp onto his phone even tighter. His lips are pursed, as if he’s about to retort something back, but he instead responds with nothing but silence. 

“You..You’re right, Gou-kun.” Sougo murmurs in a defeated tone, and he noticeably sinks down. “It’s silly, isn’t it. I know better than anyone else that--”

“... Your uncle was different, Sougo.” Gou sighs, pulling a chair back out, and sitting back in it. “Sorry. I just started running my damn mouth again. What do I know? I don’t know shit about this idol industry-- but I do know I probably started acting like those shitty folks of yours.”

“No, that’s--”

“Liar. I totally was,” He pinches the bridge of his nose, shaking his head as he does so. “Dammit. It doesn’t matter anyways. I’ll order takeout. You don’t get to complain, I’m getting seafood..” With that, Gou rises from his seat once more and walks straight out of Sougo’s sight. 

He fiddles with his phone as the other leaves the apartment elsewhere, somberly staring into nothing. As soon as he hears the slam of the door, Sougo lets out a breath he didn’t realize he has been holding. He sighs, picking up the discarded earphone and puts it back into his ear. He presses play on his music player app again, and lets the music calm him down as he returns to his coursework. 

“Gou-kun worries too much… he really was telling the truth, though.” Sougo whispers to himself, closing his eyes as he attunes himself to the music.

* * *

“What was so important that you couldn’t just call me?” He demands, shaking his head as he scratches the back of his neck, “you know that I’m busy with my part time job… better not be some stupid shit. Also, you better not have put a shitload of chili oil in this.” Gou gingerly pokes at the dishes in front of him with his chopsticks, eyeing them warily.

“They’re not that spicy, Gou-kun, I promise.” Sougo frowns from the sink, currently rinsing the cookware he used. Turning off the faucet, he takes off the apron and hangs it neatly off the peg next to the pantry, and then joins his friend at the tiny table. He plops down in his seat, and scoots in. “I’ll just add some to my own portion.” He reaches over for the bottle of hot sauce, and proceeds to drown his bowl of rice with it. Gou shoots him a disgusted look, but Sougo already is accustomed to ignoring it.

“... I believe you.” Gou grumbles, picking up a morsel of food and he shoves it in his mouth. He chews slowly with some sort of hesitation, then nods. “Hey, it’s pretty damn good.”

Sougo grins, “thanks, it’ll be the last meal I’ll make for you.”

Gou pauses, “excuse me?”

Sougo coughs, cheeks flushed as he tries to avert his gaze. “R-Right… what I wanted to tell you. The truth is, I’m going to drop out of university. And I will also stop imposing on you.”

“Wait a second, this is just all so sudden. What happened? Got a girlfriend?” Gou scoffs, shaking his head as he pretends to shed a tear or two. “You’re cruel as always, Sougo, you never tell me anything. I’m hurt.”

Sougo shakes his head vigorously, “no! That’s not it. I found something I wanted to do.”

“Something you want to do so much that you're willing to throw away everything you’ve worked hard for? You’re not going to go to law school?” Gou states plainly, setting down his chopsticks to balance atop his bowl of rice. “It must be something really important.”

He nods, with a smile so wide and relieved, yet nervous at the same time. “I want to live as myself. Even if I left my father behind, I’m still living in his mold.”

Gou sighs, “okay. It seems like I’ll need a beer for this.” He uses his palm to push himself up to get to the fridge. He swings the door open, and reaches in to grab some cans of beer. After shutting the fridge, he walks back to the table, slamming both of them down on the table.

“Gou-kun, you know that I probably shouldn’t drink…”   


“Huh? Who said this was for you? I’m going to need more than one can for this.” Gou sneers, already lifting the tab to open it. He then holds the cooled alcohol in his hand, and reclines slightly in his chair. “Okay, tell me what you’re going to be doing. If you’re planning on becoming a porn star, I won’t forgive you.”

“Nothing like that!” Sougo retorts, “I think I’d rather die than do something like that. I’m becoming an idol.”

“Isn’t that the same thing? Judging by TRIGGER, anyways.”

“Diamond Fusion is not a pornographic film, Gou-kun, please stop saying that. I think that can constitute as sexual harassment.”

Gou smirks, “maybe it’s a good thing you’re not going to be a lawyer. I’m pretty sure I can’t be charged for making fun of you. You’re going to flunk out of law school at this rate.”

Sougo groans, shaking his head again at his friend’s jokes. “I don’t have an erotic appeal, so I don’t think that I’ll be like TRIGGER. I can’t be as cool as them, but… I think I’ll try my best. This isn’t just for me, it’s also for my uncle too.”

“Are you really sure, though? Dude, the idol industry is fucking rough. Like I said before, it’s super unstable and you're career can go downhill real fast. Maybe a porn star is actually more stable--”

“That is not going to happen, for the last time.” Sougo frowns, “I know you’re worried about me, but… I won’t know if I never try. But I think I want to be the person that tries to help others love music as much as I do. There’s no better way than making music myself. I was scouted, and what the president was saying made me realize something.”

“And that is?” He pauses to take a swig of the beer, “well, go on. I’m still listening. I’m just going to also chug this down at the same time.”

“I should do something that makes me happy. And music makes me happy. I’ve just been tricking myself all this time...” Sougo laughs, “to be honest, it’s always been my solace.”

Gou sighs, gulping down the last of the drink, and then slams it back down on the table. “I know. You have to do what you have to do… just don’t forget me, okay? You better update me with everything! And if you flop, I’m coming over and dragging you back here with me.”

Sougo laughs, and dips his head. “Thank you, Gou-kun. I’ve come to rely on you lately. I’m greatly indebted to you…”

“Hey, cut that out. We’re friends, Sougo. I wouldn’t have let you stayed here if we weren’t this close.”

“Friends… yeah, you’re right.”

“I always am, idiot.”

* * *

Sougo looks fondly at his phone as soon as his customary birthday interview chat ends. He hasn’t talked to Gou at all in the past year, too afraid to reach out to him because he still feels immense guilt for crashing at his place for such a long time.

But, it’s been nice to talk to him again. And to think he has been just as worried as he has been, but it seems like he’s been so occupied with his work that he hasn’t been able to make good on his promises to drag him back.

Has he really become more free? Well, he supposes that being able to indulge in what he loves the most has allowed him to grow-- to shine.

He doesn’t really think that the same growth would’ve came if he became a porn star, though… and he doesn’t intend on even bordering near that. If MEZZO” has planned to go for a more sexy image change when Tamaki grows more mature, Sougo doesn’t know if he’ll be able to follow up that well.  He might lose to the younger one-- who’s really, just as blunt at Gou.

Sougo shakes his head at the thought, but a text tone interrupts him.

 

**[GOU]:** One more thing. Ero Ero Violet? That sounds funny.

**[GOU]:** Oh, I know. It would be your porn star name. Beat out Tsunashi then.

**[GOU]:** Also if you actually became an idol to get with TRIGGER that’s really fucking stupid

**[SOUGO]:** I did not..

**[SOUGO]:** Gou-kun, don’t you have work..?

**[GOU]:** Yeah I guess lol. You better text me more often now. Got it?

**[SOUGO]:** I will do my best, but I don’t want to bother you when you’re so busy.

**[GOU]:** Please. You’re probably more busy than me lol

**[SOUGO]:**

****

**[GOU]:**

****

 

* * *

“Shouldn’t you have a better disguise than that?” Gou questions with a raise of his eyebrow, pointing at Sougo’s shoddy attempt at being incognito. “Seems like you like scarves just as much as you did before. Some things never change… especially your terrible sense of humor. Those glasses are ugly.”

Sougo frowns, removing the gag glasses from his face. “I guess it does make me stand out more…” At least he’s wearing a hat to ensure that his hair won’t give him away. 

Gou shakes his head, and pulls out a nicely wrapped present box. “Also, this month’s shipment was really fucking strange. Live razor shell clams? That distracted me for far too long, I just poked them for the longest time.”

“Did you… not eat them?”

“Of course I did. I ate well that night.” He huffs proudly, “playing with your food first can lead to an improved flavor.”

“I don’t think that’s exactly the case…” Sougo trails off, but breaks out into a slight chuckle. “Well, I’m glad you liked it, Gou-kun.” 

“Oh, before I forget…” His friend plops the box in the palm of Sougo’s hand. “Open it.”

Sougo nods dumbly, and does as he’s told. He pulls one end of the ribbon, effectively unraveling the wrapping. He opens it up, and takes out the guitar pick from the box. “... thank you, Gou-kun.”

“I’m just hoping you still have your guitar.” He sighs, “I fought hard for that limited edition TRIGGER guitar pick. Don’t put it to waste, okay? You better come out with the rock ballad you were meant for.”

Sougo beams, nodding in agreement. “Thank you, Gou-kun. I’ll treasure this…”

“Treasure me too, dammit.” Gou protests, but relents as his grimace curves into a slight smile.  “Happy birthday, Sougo. Let’s try to hang out more often, okay?”

Sougo laughs, “of course. Oh, should I dedicate a song to you?”

“Hell no, that’s so embarrassing…”

The two laugh despite themselves, and Sougo seems to have a satisfied expression on his face. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading!  
> again, i hope sougo is having a good day bc he deserves the world and more.....
> 
> u can find me on twitter @shineonthesea if u'd like to cry about sougo or any of the boys really   
> also if u want to know more about my headcanon gou...


End file.
